


Anxiety Doesn't Know Logic

by rosiejiminie



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of Anxiety, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:12:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosiejiminie/pseuds/rosiejiminie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At night, Dan's depression gets really bad. Phil hears him crying, and doesn't know what to do</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anxiety Doesn't Know Logic

As Dan turned, body facing the ceiling, he began to cry. Or more accurately, he began to sob. His hands clutched the softness of his duvet that was heavy on his bare chest and his breathing was getting sporadic. Thoughts ran a millions miles in his head, just plain numbness and sadness pumping through his veins. His tears could not wash away the heaviness in his body and it could not mask the smile he put on for his audience. Dan knew that this would last for awhile and just let himself go through the motions. 

 

This happened too often for Dan to tell himself that it was not a problem. He could not lie and say it was okay, that he was okay. He could not smile when he had to get out of bed to face the day and he could not tell himself that it was going to go away by itself. This was a problem. But he could not find the energy within himself to go get help. So he just let himself feel the pain every couple of nights. Let his anxiety take over, let it have power over him. 

Logically, Dan knew that all the things his anxiety was telling him, all the things that made his mind heavy, all the things that deeply scared his body, was false. Dan knew he was loved. He was loved by his roommate, he was loved by his friends, his family, his following. Dan also knew that he had the opportunity to try different things and to live his life however he wanted, he was in the perfect position to do so. He was loved, he had possibilities. 

But his anxiety made him reject all that was logical, and plunged him into a mind space that he could not get out of for hours almost every night. 

Dan should never be allowed to be left alone with his thoughts since they slithered around his heart and punctured it with venom, slowly allowing poison to enter his body. He's left thinking all these toxic ideas, letting the toxicity seep through his skin, letting it dilute reality. His blood is too busy clotting to stop his brain from going this fast and his heart pumps faster trying to keep me alive. The funny thing is, it's all in vain because he's already drowning in self hatred. So what was point? 

What's the point? 

Dan turned over again, feeling his breathing turn back to normal, feeling his heart beat lower, feeling his mind stop racing and he closed his eyes. He begged for sleep. 

***

Phil was woken up by Dan's crying. This happened every few days and Phil did not know how he felt about it.

He should go and see Dan, let him cry in his arms, hold him. He should tell Dan he loved him, comfort him, whisper sweet things in his ear. He should do all these things but he didn't. And he didn't know why he didn't but he didn't. 

Everything was silent and Phil thought that maybe Dan finally went back to sleep. 

Next time this happens, Phil thought, he would go in there. He would be a good friend. He would not allow himself to feel guilty and he would not allow his friend to go through his alone. 

Phil turned over and closed his eyes. He begged for sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my second short fanfic, and I hope you enjoy it! Any comments/suggestions are much appreciated, thanks for reading c: 
> 
> Please note: This is a work of complete fiction


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